hhhmmm, security, familiarity and settling down vs excitement and the great unknown alone. you gotta go with your heart on this one. Plus, whatever your wife wants, coz if mama ain't happy, nobody happy. ;p
Good luck, man, I'd go for the security but I'm way older than you, sounds like, and I have kids here I don't want to move away from.
Toledo is what you make it, just like every place else. JUst decide to make it a good place and it will be. :)
posted by nana at 03:11 P.M. EST on Sat Aug 19, 2006 #
Welcome back to Toledo! It's the right choice. You have a family and should give them stability. That's my 2 cents.
posted by fequalsma73 at 03:13 P.M. EST on Sat Aug 19, 2006 #
two issues to consider:
1) would one position present more long-term employment stability or better long-term earnings than the other? If so, then the long-term impact needs to be weighed against any short-term short comings. San Diego might mean making new friends in the short term (always good to make new friends) but might present better opportunities over the next several years. Not knowing your position, it's something I would consider.
2) Cost of living and age of children. Certainly, the cost of living in San Diego is much higher, so your money goest much farther in the Toledo area. If your children are school-aged, the availability of good schools in either location would be a significant factor.
I'd certainly encourage you to come to the Toledo area. There are terrific neighborhoods within the city (Point Place is IMHO the best, but then I'm biased) and there are terrific communities across the county.
Personally, I don't believe there's any substitute for having family close by.
posted by MaggieThurber at 03:21 P.M. EST on Sat Aug 19, 2006 #
NAVYLT, back in July you said:
"One of the reasons I moved from Toledo was because smoking is allowed in public places like bars and restaurants. I hate smelling like an ashtrey. I also hate being around stupid people. Nice to see some thing never change."
Looks like you should roll the dice with the SD gig.
posted by jr at 03:31 P.M. EST on Sat Aug 19, 2006 #
LOL, frigging jr, you're too much. Always throwing high and inside.
Navy, I think Maggie gave you the best advice on this so far.
Good luck either way.
posted by McCaskey at 03:46 P.M. EST on Sat Aug 19, 2006 #
NAVYLT - Toledo has much to offer for families. And I agree with Maggie - Point Place is the best. IMO.
San Diego is a great place, but having seen only the tourist side of it I can't speak to its attributes for families.
posted by DoknowDocare at 05:17 P.M. EST on Sat Aug 19, 2006 #
Agreed with the "happy mama" theory. San Diego will always be there, but a happy family cannot be replaced.
posted by historymike at 05:42 P.M. EST on Sat Aug 19, 2006 #
For the cost of a 1,200 sq/ft "fixer-upper" in the "Barrio Logan" neighborhood of San Diego you could buy six to eight houses most places in East Toledo and three to five solid houses most anywhere else in the city. I did 21 years in Uncle Sam's Yacht Club, take my word for it, when you're done walk away and get on with your life.
posted by YakRider at 07:33 P.M. EST on Sat Aug 19, 2006 #
NAVYLT, what were the other reasons why you moved away from Toledo, and has anything changed here to make those reasons no longer valid?
The San Diego thing is only for two years, which will go by in a flash. You'll make new friends and visit new sights. New, new, new. The adventure of living somewhere new cannot be overlooked. After two years, you'll decide whether or not to stay there or find another "money is okay... nothing great" job in Toledo. I mean, who knows? You, your wife, and the kids may fall in love with SD.
Where will you have the biggest regrets? Will you be moping around Toledo wondering what might have been in SD? You've got your fall-back, safety net card in Toledo that you can play at a later time. But if you take the less exciting Toledo job now, won't you be wondering "What if?" with the other job?
If you don't like SD after two quick years, at least then you'll know for sure that you belong in Toledo.
Sure family is important. Phone, e-mail, trains, planes, and automobiles allow families to stay in touch over long distances. I think choosing a location to live based soley on the reason that other family members live in that location is a bad way to go. That's a self-imposed restriction to what job opportunities are available to you. Can't the rest of the family understand that you have your own life to live?
Haven't you heard people say something like, "No good jobs are available." Then somone else suggests, "Move to where the good jobs are." Then the first person says, "I can't because I've got family here." Then I say, don't complain about the lack of jobs. That person has applied a restriction to his or her life.
And remember, that job is at least eight hours a day, five days per week, month after month after month. Being happy in your job should count big time. Will seeing other family members daily or weekly offset the grind of a lame job?
But then again, "Happy wife, happy life." A fair compromise is to give the SD thing two years. At least one year. If after a year or two, the wife is miserable, then you move back.
posted by jr at 07:45 P.M. EST on Sat Aug 19, 2006 #
"Always throwing high and inside."
Just like Sal "The Barber" Maglie.
posted by jr at 08:10 P.M. EST on Sat Aug 19, 2006 #
Approximately 80% of rush-hour traffic is spent in traffic jams ranking San Diego the metro area as the 6th worst traffic congestion.
(source:www.xmradio.com)
Currently, the traffic congestion in metro Toledo is due to several detours/road closings for construction projects. I view this as an inevitable inconvenience that, after a few more months, shall meliorate into something top-notch. We all must be patient.
Regarding the decision you face- Somebody once said "Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises." Good luck and keep smiling.
posted by flinty at 08:28 P.M. EST on Sat Aug 19, 2006 #
That's a tough call, NAVYLT. I myself am far from family, but only for awhile. Hopefully when I am done with my studies here, I'll land back closer to home. I am away only for a time.
Guess a lot depends on how much you like your family? and the extended family? What does your wife think?
posted by CloudyDay at 08:51 P.M. EST on Sat Aug 19, 2006 #
I'd love to live in San Diago - never been there, know people who have. They love it - but all say it is sooooo expensive to live there, and horrible traffic jams. What my son's friend pays for a decent apartment in San Diago (about the same thing here for about $500 or less a month) - is about a house payment in Toledo, for a very nice house.
Since the smoking ban - revised or not - I hate to repeat myself, but here I go again. At least 95 percent of all Toledo restaurants are non-smoking (or more). The few that do have smoking sections - those sections are tiny , often closed off rooms, no decor often. So I am tired of hearing how annoyed anti smokers are about smoking sections/smokers. Non smokers have the pick of the batch to eat out - smokers have to limit themselves to a tiny handful, at best, or head to Sylvania, Oregon, Michigan, Maumee - and even then, some are non smoking. I fail to see why non smokers bitch anymore. Lets move on.
Will the Toledo job offer still be here in 2 years? If so, maybe go to San Diago - get it out of your system. Unless mama ain't happy - but then again, compromise. If this is something you'll regret not doing, she needs to work that out with you with a smile. Family can also be a pain in the ass.
What about Toledoans are stupid? Is that a general opinion? Or is it just smokers?
posted by starling02 at 10:53 P.M. EST on Sat Aug 19, 2006 #
Navy, I'd go with stability. Take the job here. Make your wife happy - that's worth more than the glitz of San Diego.
As far as where to live here? If you've got kids, and dont want to go the private school route, take a look at the 08/15 thread about public school report cards.
Also think about the communities just to the north of the Ohio border who pay 1/3 our utilities...
posted by billy at 06:06 A.M. EST on Sun Aug 20, 2006 #
Also, consider that crime is not lower in the suburbs than it is in the city. Carty said so.
Seriously, though, Toledo is an awesome city. Check out dotoledo.org. That site really shows how Toledo shines.
posted by fequalsma73 at 06:38 A.M. EST on Sun Aug 20, 2006 #
A while back the fine folks on here made a list of positive things about Toledo. I still have that list. Here it is:
Toledo Museum of Art
Point Place—affordable lakefront property!
Downtown—clean and crisp
Two rivers(Maumee & Ottawa) and a bay!
47 miles to Canada—for your foreign experiences
Reasonable driving distance to major cities—Detroit, Chicago, Indianapolis, Pittsburgh, Toronto, Niagra Falls
Murphy’s Jazz Club
Great architecture—downtown, old west end, etc.
Awesome restaurants—Tony Packo’s, Mancy’s, Scordo’s
The Docks
Metroparks—from Oak Openings to Crane Creek!
Car shows and biker ‘clubs’
Train tracks—a rail enthusiast’s paradise
Local shops—despite having the big box stores, there are tons of small mom & pop shops:The Andersons, Pasta Fina, Tony Packo’s, Westgate Shops, Oasis foods
Well-defined local culture and self identity
Mud Hens—Let’s Rock That Henhouse!
Rowing on the Maumee—championship high school teams, dragon boats, too!
Catholic churches galore for those who follow the Pope
Festivals—Polish, Hungarian, Greek, German, Mexican-American, Old West End, Church festivals
A drawbridge on an interstate—definitely unusual!
No major traffic headaches compared to other cities!
Toledo Loves It’s Jeep!
Middle Eastern food—lots of it since we are so close to Detroit
Excellent private schools—St. John’s, St. Francis, Notre Dame, St. Ursula, Central Catholic
Beaches—ok, they aren’t the soft sand of Jamaica, but still!
A fisherman’s heaven!
Big hearts—tons of people volunteer their time and money to make the area better; Bike to the Bay
Unique wildlife
The University of Toledo! Football team ended last season ranked 26th in nation!
BGSU
Plenty of green space in the city
Toledo Raceway/Speedway
Ice boating
The Toledo Zoo—one of the best in the nation!
Dirt biking/off-roading—out by the airport and in Delta
posted by fequalsma73 at 06:48 A.M. EST on Sun Aug 20, 2006 #
My wife is from Toledo and it would make her happy to be near family.
There's your answer.
posted by rickreed at 08:49 A.M. EST on Sun Aug 20, 2006 #
If you move to Toledo there are smokers who live here and can walk around smoking. Why would you want to live in a society that free?
Here there's smoking so you know you and your kids will die of lung cancer. But in San Diego the weather is nice so you might be tempted into going out into the sun which raises your chances of skin cancer. So I guess the real question is "What type of cancer do you want to die of?"
posted by MikeyA at 09:29 A.M. EST on Sun Aug 20, 2006 #
The real question lieutnenant, is whether your wife can be happy in San Diego and whether you can be happy in Toledo. If the work in Toledo will not be interesting or exciting to you (from your description, it will not), will you still be happy? If your wife is away from her family, will she be happy with just you and the kids and the phone calls and mail to home?
My Dad always used to tell me not to take any job that wouldn't make me happy. Don't rationalize yourself into a boring or crappy job Lt. If any member of a family is unhappy, the whole family is unhappy - Mom or not.
posted by MoreThanRhetoric at 10:46 A.M. EST on Sun Aug 20, 2006 #
I agree with morethanrhetoric - if you hate your job, then mama's happiness ain't worth it. It's a partnership, and you can get out in 2 years. California has horrible smog I hear - and possible earthquakes, so choose your poison. I'd love to live in San Diago - but couldn't justify the cost of living to do so.
posted by starling02 at 05:18 P.M. EST on Sun Aug 20, 2006 #
San Diablo is misery, what with the traffic, smog and bank busting cost of living. Added to that is Mama's unhappiness, and you're going to be spending a lot of time at the office.
Now, if you move to Toledo you might even get your mother in law to be nice to you once in a while.
posted by madjack at 09:20 A.M. EST on Mon Aug 21, 2006 #
I can only think of one bad thing about Toledo - and that is the cold winter period, gray skies, that seems to stretch into forever. San Diago wins on climate to me. Smog be damned.
posted by starling02 at 05:43 P.M. EST on Mon Aug 21, 2006 #
if you hate your job, then mama's happiness ain't worth it.
Seriously? You'd put a job before your spouse's happiness?
It's a partnership, and you can get out in 2 years
The marriage or the job?
posted by billy at 06:51 P.M. EST on Mon Aug 21, 2006 #
If I read your question correctly, the option in Toledo brings a nicer home, proximity to family, and greater stability for your work environment.
The San Diego option yields more exciting work of limited duration, and the pleasing nature of that particular climate.
"Adventure. Heh! Excitement. Heh! A Jedi craves not these things." - Yoda
My knee-jerk reaction is to go for the Toledo position. Family is good.
The key piece of information missing from this equation involves long-term advancement of your family.
My suggestion is that you go with the option that you perceive as most likely to get your kids into college; go with the option that leads you to a secure retirement. The decision you have at-hand concerns more than good weather or exciting work.
For what it matters, I expect that I will likely work until I die, right here in Toledo. When I was faced with the choice that you are presently considering, I chose family. I don't regret it, but I remain unhappy with Toledo.
Toledo generally sucks more often than not. It has its high points, but those are less than frequent, and have more to do with the populace than the town.
posted by AirTrainer at 08:37 P.M. EST on Mon Aug 21, 2006 #
No, billy, I did not mean a job is more important than the happiness of a spouse - perhaps I didn't phrase it well. What I meant is that a marriage is a partnership - BOTH partners need to look at the needs/happiness factor of the other - and compromise. Lots of truth in the saying "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy". But the same can be said about daddy's happiness as well. If daddy hates his job, and daydreams about what he turned down to please mama to the extent he's miserable, he then brings home that misery, purposely or not. If this were my marriage we're talking about, and it was my husband who lusted over a job on the other side of the country - but I knew he'd stay in Toledo because my family is here (and I can't imagine leaving Toledo for that reason) to please me - I for one, would tell him to listen to his heart, and attempt to make a go in San Diago if need be. If we hated it, we come back to Toledo. All I'm saying is that mama has to be willing to do some compromising just like daddy. If it's all about mama's happiness then I wonder what that says about the marriage. If the husband is the soul breadwinner it's especially important he likes where he works.
Or, they could do it the opposite - live in Toledo for 2 years first; and if he can't get past the regret of not trying the more exotic local - of at least trying it in his lifetime, then make the move and give it a whirl.
posted by starling02 at 11:56 P.M. EST on Mon Aug 21, 2006 #
August 23 WSPD story:
"The nation's most affordable cities include Toledo, Lima and Monroe, Michigan. That's according to the National Association of Home Builders and Wells Fargo who surveyed 199 metropolitan areas. During the second quarter nearly 80% of home sales were affordable to families with a median income of about $59,000. Toledo ranked 23rd,Lima 19th and Monroe 14th. Springfield, Ohio was ranked as the most affordable city in the nation."
posted by jr at 10:02 A.M. EST on Thu Aug 24, 2006 #
Front page posting by NAVYLT moved here as a comment.
---- start ----
San Diego or Toledo
Recently I asked the question, "should I move to Toledo or San Diego." You all gave great advise and I appreciate your wisdom.
We opted to move back to Toledo. Sadly, the employer opted to promote the internal candidate over me. So our decision... and your advise is moot.
I'm now serving as the Public Affairs Officer for the Naval Special Warfare Command, better known as the SEAL School. While my wife would rather be in T-town, S-D isn't a bad place to be for my little family.
Maybe someday we'll head home, but for now this is our home. Just wanted to update everyone on our situation.
Take care and GOD bless.
NAVYLT
posted by NAVYLT on 03:14 P.M. EDT on Tue Sep 19, 2006
---- end ----
posted by jr at 02:27 P.M. EST on Tue Sep 19, 2006 #
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