2004 Cretin All-Star Team - A topic that will develop throughout the year. With so many cretins already, '04 could produce an abundant crop of morons. I blame global warming. Brains are being scrambled by the heat.
The stuff that's impossible to create ...
Chef sues hotel over cut finger - "A chef who cut his finger is suing a hotel for £25,000 compensation by claiming no-one warned him about the danger posed by an avocado. He claims he had been shown how to cut the fruit, but had not been told the avocado might not be ripe."
Ohio Woman Admits Lying in Lottery Case - This story is great. Days earlier, the dingbat has a tearful press conference, explaining the loss of her winning lottery ticket. Then her shady past comes out. Her attorney said her client's past should not matter. The loser said her past was not a factor here. They were wrong. The police who believed this woman's story was wrong. What's that say about homeland security when the cops can be duped for several days by someone claiming to have lost a winning lottery ticket? Anyway, this moronic woman, in yet another tearful press conference, admits to lying. She wanted to win badly for her kids and family. Yes, this screwball is making herself out to be a victim. Expect her to appear in some kind of reality show on Fox.
Couple sues Wal-Mart over broken grocery bag - "A Mt. Pleasant Township couple wants Wal-Mart to pay for foot and toe injuries they claim were caused by canned goods and condiments that tumbled from an overfilled plastic grocery bag. The bag, which contained a 32-ounce jar of Miracle Whip, a 46-ounce bottle of ketchup, three 15-ounce cans of fruit, an 18-ounce bottle of ranch dressing and a 12-ounce bottle of mustard, broke open when the Sagers returned home and started to put away their groceries. The 14-page complaint filed by attorney John Scales claims Brenda Sager suffered numerous injuries including cracked and damaged toenails. Brenda Sager also claims she sustained more serious permanent injuries and other physical problems, such as ligament damage and a broken right foot. She is seeking damages in excess of $30,000." I suggest a seven day waiting period be implemented for purchases of Miracle Whip to make sure the buyer is intelligent enough to control the container.
Man says he’s addicted to cable; wants to sue Charter - "Cable TV made a West Bend man addicted to TV, caused his wife to be overweight and his kids to be lazy, he says. And he’s threatening to sue the cable company. Timothy Dumouchel of West Bend wants $5,000 or three computers, and a lifetime supply of free Internet service from Charter Communications to settle what he says will be a small claims suit. Dumouchel blames Charter for his TV addiction, his wife’s 50-pound weight gain and his children’s being “lazy channel surfers,” according to a Fond du Lac police report. “But the reason I am suing Charter is they did not let me make a decision as to what was best for myself and my family and (they have been) keeping cable (coming) into my home for four years after I asked them to turn it off.” " So a lifetime supply of free Internet access will cause his wife to lose weight and his kids to become more active? This dude should be studied by science.
Rose's baseball gambling is not his fault - For 14+ years, Rose has said he didn't bet on baseball. This week, Rose says he did bet on baseball, including his own team the Reds. And he blames everyone and every thing else for his problems and for not being in the Hall of Fame. Nope. It's all Pete Rose's fault. I say deport Pete Rose. Maybe the U.S. can trade Rose to France for a bottle of wine to be named later. "Pete Rose blames his accusers and medical conditions for the problems that got him kicked out of baseball. Rose writes he has had Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and Oppositional Defiant Behavior, which he says he got from his mother. He also compares his compulsive gambling to the behavior of former President Clinton, actors Robert Downey Jr. and Winona Ryder, and blames former Reds manager Jack McKeon and general manager Jim Bowden for not giving Pete Rose Jr. enough of a chance when he played for Cincinnati in 1997."
posted by jr to other at 8:48 P.M. EST
(1 Comment)
Comments ...
We have a local representative on the 2004 Cretin All-star Team: WSPD morning show host Bob Frantz, thanks to his is absurd arguments for supporting Toledo's smoking ban.
posted by jr at 01:00 A.M. EST on Mon Feb 23, 2004 #
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